JTG: Somewhere in the middle… it begins

TWO WEEKS AGO Miles 409
FML.  That is honestly how it feels to have logged like 9 miles in 2 weeks. I am beyond grouchy, irritable, and miserable.  My shoes look so lonely.  I am so sad.  I ran 1 mile on monday.  1 beautiful magic slow 9 minute mile.  I hurt every step of the way.  Not bad, but not good.  I remember my hamstring took awhile to heal after running on it for 10.2 miles after it popped.  I wonder if I will ever learn.

Started spinning.  Because I am so bored and in need of a cardio fix.  Damn near killed me.  Almost fell off the bike in an exhausted heap of weak breathless OMG I am in pain make it stop….. "Marathon Runner Dies in Spin Class…."  I can see the headlines..   Choked on air… fell right off the bike…poor girl, must have never worked out before in her life…. learning….. new things….. practice….. patience….

It seems like everyone great just started there…. you know…. like you don't hear about Steve Prefontaines or Kara Goucher's road to success…. we only know them as great runners… I always assumed they started out that way… I just know that if i can be number 4 I can be number 1.  And then the real work begins!  Did they start out good? 

My coach says one day I will be so much better than this I won't even be in the same league… and I guess an 8 something mile distance runner is not a bad runner…. but my dreams and my goals are WAY bigger than this. 

My daughter is about to graduate from 5th grade.  WOW.  I wonder what it's like being the daughter of an obsessed runner….a halflele…... I hope it is good…… I hope it teaches her about dedication and dreams and stuff…. hard work…. fighting for it…. After the mini…. when I ran a race I should have never even started…. she saw me cry in bed about how bad I had done.  I cried all day.  Yep, its' true…. HA!  Ridiculous… right? It's unhealthy… what are you doing…. just enjoy it…. NO.  Last year i fought so hard for that corral spot… I had a fantastic spring… I ran my A$$ off in that race to get a top corral so THIS year I could just run… without the crowd holding me back… and THAT is why I couldn't give it up…. I had earned that spot.  Well now I can thank myself for the WAY back corral spot I will have next year. THANK YOU stubborn never learn self…. you could have deferred!!!! BUT NO! See you in coral Z.  Have fun with THAT. 

Real Time  Miles 429

GOALS.  ARE. SO. IMPORTANT.   Short term and long term.  My goal for spring was to run an 8:20.  13.1 times.  And while I did not get there, I have achieved lower 8 domination…. in shorter races.  I am consistent… and solid.  Not all is lost.  Baby steps.

Sometimes I flip through my phone reading motivational quotes…. just to get pumped or stay focused…..

Spring season is coming to an end… and I have 4 races to show for it….. and while I am content with my numbers…. All I can think about is how much better I want to be for fall.  I guess I am completely obsessed.  I was invited by a friend to do one more race… tomorrow…. we will see…..

END OF SEASON RACE

Yesterday was a small, local 5k…… 205 people…. so for this local dish… I was a front runner.  AND IT WAS AWESOME!     Race marshals nodding as you run by…. you look and feel like such a bad ass! YEP…. I am leading this thing…. I am almost elite…. my halflete status blends into athlete and I am not a middle pack leader…. I am a very well spread out running front leader…. HOLD that FEELING…. for a minute…. ahhhh if I could only live in small local races where I was a winner!   But I can't.  Because in my head I know, this is small…. local… and not my competition…. I need more.  I don't want to fight or struggle to run… I want to fight or struggle to win… That is how I feel.

That being said….. I don't want others to lose… weird isn't it…. I want to win for me… it really has nothing to do with anyone else…. I know the commitment will be fierce…. the training will be intense and I am going to brake over and over and over again…. each time emerging stronger…. until there is nothing left to break.  THAT is how a champion is made…. in my world.

Yesterday along the course…. there was a young man about 20 or so…. he was well ahead of me… and he stopped…. as I jogged by… I said "keep going…. you are almost there… and you are ahead of SO MANY people."  He said…. "Really"….. and he began to jog with me….. we talked.. his asthma was bothering him… we talked about beaches and vacations and when he seemed calm.. I urged him to pass me…. "You are faster than I am… pass me and keep going…."  he said "are you sure….?"  and I said "YES…. GO" and he did….. and I was behind him enough to encourage through that last mile… when he wanted to stop….. It was more his day than mine…. he was faster…. he earned that… it was his day……. as we rounded the corner to the finish and I began my sprint as he crossed…. I was merely ensuring I wasn't passed on the finish line stretch….. it was great!  It was a good race for me….. but it wasn't my day…… and I wouldn't take winning away from anyone, for anything…..

We are all in this thing together… and if you are out there running with me, I want to win… but I am on team runners… and I want to win because I can and you can and I just have one hell of a run!  Not for any other reason… than it all comes together and my breathing, striding, pacing, and running magic collide into victory… when we are out on that course…. it will always seem long at times….  we must offer smiles and comradery and encouragement… we are all going to the same place…. we have a common goal….. a trust… a bond…. a shared experience…. and we don't even have to be friends…. be we all give support to each other…. and may the better runner on this day have their moment.  THAT is how I want to win….. THAT is how I will win…. and should I see you on the course…. I will encourage you every step of the way…. it could be your day… it could be mine…. but we are in the same race… with the same goal… to do the best we can…. those are the magic moments….. and if we should ever be in a finish line sprint…. which is my 1 true race strength….. I will run with all my heart to beat you…. and I hope you do the same…… we are out there together… and a race is anyone's game!

Did you notice that number up there…. that 429…. that omg I have been able to run 3 miles daily and it is OK.  Slower than a snail in peanut butter but RUNNING!  I will take it!  SO SO SO happily take it.  And one day I even did 5 miles!  And yesterday my mile average was a 9:37 and I was SO HAPPY AND PROUD AND YAY.  Just YAY.  I think about my running friend who reminds me, running feeds the soul…. and sometimes, it is just that…. soul food!   And right now, that is A-OK to me…. I am just so beyond happy to be back in the game and training almost pain free!

AND NOW.  I have made an important decision.  My trainer, my coach, and even my running friends have all told me, much to my extreme annoyance, that I do too much….. and after a year of injuries, I believe they may be correct.  I might not be able to do everything great….. being competitive…. it's hard to back down….. on anything….. So I am re focusing my efforts… no longer will I divide my attention or burn out my body on things that do not pertain to my ultimate goal…. This isn't about losing weight, staying in shape or even competition….. this is about being the very best that I can be….. this is about giving up the good and going for the great…. and letting nothing stand in my way….. My miles now have my complete and undivided attention….. I simply want to be a great runner….. and starting right now, that is the only thing I am training for….. today is an easy 3-4… still rehabbing…. but sometimes greatness is achieved in the small steps, the slow advances, and sometimes winners are made when no one is looking….. and sometimes winning….. is just being better than you were yesterday…..