Little Red Running Hood

MILES 390 DISCLAIMER……the following paragraph is major venting… not meant to offend anyone… just skip ahead if you want to get to the run stuff… pre race vents are great though!!! OK.  So did you ever look around and wonder why you never noticed the world is full of A$$holes… sorry.  I needed to get that out.  Races are very emotionally draining for me.  So I have a heightened sensitivity as they draw closer.  So, give me this paragraph to let this go and then I will get back to business.  OK.  I get that it is human nature to be self absorbed… we should have a sense of self importance… we should love ourselves… hell I have a blog about myself I am obviously not in any position to judge levels of self absorption.  BUT here is the thing….  even if you are self absorbed… you can still do it with compassion and kindness towards other.   In the days before my race I find myself wanting to become a friendless hermit and go live in a pine...

Miles 387 Some people dream of job promotions….. big houses…. expensive cars…. elaborate shoes…… vacations… and then others just dream of winning the lottery…… The CHICAGO MARATHON lottery! Today is the day…. and like thousands of others I can't stop hitting refresh on my computer screen and phone…. it's almost like Christmas for a child…. waiting for that news…. green or red…. what will it be….. a go or a stop!  I remember last year…. when my good running friend didn't get in…. his response still makes me smile " Not in.  It's a no.  A no? What do they mean NO!?"  So, that year, he ran an ultra.. 50 miles…. and came in 5th.  What do they mean…no… is right.  This year…. my friend is in!  And I am really happy about that…. and waiting….. to know my fate…… It's exciting…. will I have my race plans laid out before me for the upcoming year…OR will I have the opportunity to make new plans….. different plans….. a destination run?  A shorter distan...

MILES 381 As the 2015 mini marathon draws near and my mind beings to freak out and unravel and doubt and fear and dread fills my head… I have to ask myself why I am doing this. Running, to me, is perfect and beautiful.  It is something my body handles so well. Mile after mile…. it is refreshing and calming and rewarding and it frees my mind and my soul… and the when I try to define it, to grasp it, to make it more than just a simple act of doing something I love… it becomes my biggest nightmare…… it is so hard and I am so afraid I will fail.  I am so sure I can not overcome.  It is a spiral of doubt and panic that follows me all the way to the start line….. how does something I love so much… become so twisted. Running 13 miles is great.  I have never walked any of the 30 plus half marathons I have done.  Never once.  I have come to a dead panicked stop pleading with my self to move…. GEEZUS MOVE PLEASE…. but I have never walked.  I am a runner....

MILES 360 Generally after a race, it all takes a moment or a day to set in.  There is the exhilaration of the finish, the shock of a decent time and the general excitement of the day. It is a lot.  SO my race went well. I missed my time by 40 seconds….. The day before the race, my coach had a pep talk with me, about staying relaxed, knowing when to push and about the start of the race….. most race mistakes happen in the first 2 minutes…. enter a whole new plethora of stuff for me to juggle around in my mind. He told me to judge those around me…. to make sure I was not to far back.  To align myself with like runners and fit individuals who could help pace me and keep me on track and most importantly not slow my start.  So I am focusing on a relaxed first mile and starting position and omg how far is this and where am I going and I have to move my legs and breath and slow my heart and steady my mind and ….. so I just stepped into the 4th row from the start lin...

It is 6:15.  1 hout and 15 minutes from start.  And I am not nearly as freaked out as I usually am. I have in my head that today is my baseline.  Today I will learn what I have improved upon and what I still need to work towards to prepare me for my race in May.  Just knowing that, helps me breathe easy.  Today I see the benefits of my strength training, my healthy eating, and my miles after miles of consistent dedicated training.  It is my baseline.  The only person I have to worry about today is me.  So, I am signing off this blog right now to go out and get my time.  I am almost ready.  Deep breath, slow my heart at the start…. zen like calamity focus. Leg check, gut check, lung check…. can you move your legs….are you puking….can you still breathe…. then keep going.  Do I have "this"?  I don't know…I have something…. but that something will only be discovered along that 5 mile path to finish…… it is go time. And I hesitantl...

MILES 351 Today is an easy relaxed 5….. just cover the distance. Tomorrow is packet pick up.  I forgive myself for being afraid.  For being terrified of that first mile and the 4 that will follow.  I forgive myself for not making my time, because no matter my time, I won't be happy.  Today, the love I give to others I will give to myself.  And I forgive myself and love myself and all I can do and I allow myself to just go out there and give it my best shot. I think fear is a natural part of competition.  It keeps you on guard and fighting.  I think there is great strength in fear, because over coming your fear takes courage and bravery…. and yet I wonder what it is like to compete clear headed and in a peaceful serene clarity that victory is out there….if i choose to pursue it.  Does that really happen?  Or are we all afraid at that start line? I can run 5 miles.  There are about 100 past races that prove this….. yet I still ha...

MILES 346 Last night, I stepped completely out of my soft fluffy comfort zone and went to run group.  Actually it's a racing group.  Wow.   All day, I worried. I had really built this up in my head.  I was nervous.  I knew no one.  And these were winners.  I feel like I am just starting to learn how to run…… The mail came…. There on the cover of the city news paper was the 4 time carmel marathon champion…. breaking the tape…. this year he is going for his 5th win…. he was wearing a shirt displaying the name of my racing group.  NO WAY I can do this. I remember getting to the starting line is sometimes the hardest part for me… that courage to drive myself to the race… get out of my car… walk to my coral and COMMIT.  I had nothing to wear…. right… I couldn't wear a past race shirt… I would look full of myself… or like a runner or something… I couldn't wear cotton… I needed my arms free… I couldn't wear a shirt about running…. WTF do ...

MILES 338 OK.  I am back on track.  T-4 days and counting.  Like 96ish hours.  well maybe closer to 116…..but who is counting.  Oh ok yes. YES. I am totally counting.  I did a 4 mile steady state run… easy…. it felt fantastic.  I got THIS from the run coach about my weekend splits. " That's what I am talking about!!!"   I am happy, rested, and well.  and I FEEL good.  My trainer told me today NO heavy lifting this week…. and the old me would have been really annoyed… because I can totally handle it… but the today me was just fine with it.  I said ok. I ate a lot of food, I taught some great yoga, I took a nap and then ran.  Oh and I did homework, dishes, laundry and all of the other Mom stuff….. but I had a great, healthy day!  I feel good about Saturday.   So. I took a giant leap. I committed to going to the running group tomorrow for my 8 mile hard run day.   DEEP BREATH.  GULP down a to...

MILES 334 8:05, 8:31, 8:16, 8:07, 8:16, 8:16, 8:20, 8:20, 8:23, 8:15.  Those are my split times from this weekend's 10 miler. The result of which I feel really good about, now.  I have no pain. But during my run that story was completely different.   NO WAY I will make it.  I am going to start training every mile at an 8:20.  From this point out I am not dropping below that number unless I am doing a focused distance don't stop for anything recovery run. If that number becomes hard to maintain, I will stop, reset my mind and continue on at that pace.   I have to try to make it.  2 years ago in May, as I sat in the VIP runner's tent in Geist ( Oh that sounded cool…. VIP tent…. but really it's just something you get if you run 2 minis in the month of may…but lets go with that….VIP thing) crushed from missing my time goal by 30 seconds…. devastated because it had been such a hard run…. because I stopped in a dead panic at the end…. on the bridge….w...

Miles 321 1 WEEK FROM RACE DAY.   Ok so I went from great job on track to hit 100 miles a month by the end of this month to NOT a chance.  Spring break week and I kind of let it slide.  It all started with that 12 mile run last weekend.  When I only did 11 miles.  AND my average was awful… like 9:10 a mile.  I did a little trail running….but still…. less than 2 weeks from race go and I am just putzing along strolling around.  Pretending to run.  But I really enjoyed it. Doesn't that count….. and I had every intention of doing 12. But the wind THE WIND.  All week nothing but wind in my face. I was done. I came in to finish on the treadmill.  But I was done. I climbed on the treadmill…11 miles under my belt and my head just laughed and laughed…. "no way we are getting on this mid evil torture device".  And. I was ok with that.   Then came this: "You have developed a habit to give up on yourself in a workout.  If you are...