JTG: Ready, set, 1 day away.

MILES 351

Today is an easy relaxed 5….. just cover the distance. Tomorrow is packet pick up.  I forgive myself for being afraid.  For being terrified of that first mile and the 4 that will follow.  I forgive myself for not making my time, because no matter my time, I won't be happy.  Today, the love I give to others I will give to myself.  And I forgive myself and love myself and all I can do and I allow myself to just go out there and give it my best shot.

I think fear is a natural part of competition.  It keeps you on guard and fighting.  I think there is great strength in fear, because over coming your fear takes courage and bravery…. and yet I wonder what it is like to compete clear headed and in a peaceful serene clarity that victory is out there….if i choose to pursue it.  Does that really happen?  Or are we all afraid at that start line?

I can run 5 miles.  There are about 100 past races that prove this….. yet I still have fear of failure.  Today I release that fear and remind myself that I can not fail.  I will cross that finish line. I will succeed.  I will run as hard as I can.  I will leave nothing behind.  I will fight for it.  I will not quit.  I am so afraid of what this means. I know this will hurt.  I will fight anyway.  Pain is temporary, victory lasts forever.

I will take my run easy today.  Just cover the distance.  I will save my fight for the race.

I will remember that there is beauty in pain, there is a sweet and fierce brevity in racing…..in being able to endure almost anything and push forward for that one moment in time.   To let go and release yourself into the moment and take in all that it is and keep going.  I need a mantra. I want to tell all of my running friends, new and old… I am really really scared.  The reason I want to tell you that is because if I can do this… anyone can. If you have any doubt or any fear….. I want you to know…. SO DO I.  You just try to get through it the best you can…. and when you get out there and you are running….. you realize the struggle really is in your head… the battle is only with yourself….. your fear is SO justified, because you are SO familiar with your competition….. all of the strength and weakness….. and you are fighting your greatest battle…… who will win is of course is up to……you….. but in every instance you have to ask yourself…. will I be strong today or will I be weak…… only you know the answer…… only you control the outcome……. and the best part is….. no matter what happens….there is always a next time. Spring Racing 2015 begins and I am so lucky and happy to be here…….  I think… if you run with your legs,  you will get tired…. if you run with your head, you will have doubt…. if you run with your heart, your love for running and yourself and all you are capable of will pull you through all the way to the other side of finish.

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