JTG: No Doubt.


Miles 387
Some people dream of job promotions….. big houses…. expensive cars…. elaborate shoes…… vacations… and then others just dream of winning the lottery…… The CHICAGO MARATHON lottery!

Today is the day…. and like thousands of others I can't stop hitting refresh on my computer screen and phone…. it's almost like Christmas for a child…. waiting for that news…. green or red…. what will it be….. a go or a stop!  I remember last year…. when my good running friend didn't get in…. his response still makes me smile " Not in.  It's a no.  A no? What do they mean NO!?"  So, that year, he ran an ultra.. 50 miles…. and came in 5th.  What do they mean…no… is right.  This year…. my friend is in!  And I am really happy about that…. and waiting….. to know my fate……

It's exciting…. will I have my race plans laid out before me for the upcoming year…OR will I have the opportunity to make new plans….. different plans….. a destination run?  A shorter distance…?  The unknown seems just as exciting as a lottery win…. for now…. although….. should that no be delivered to my inbox…. I am sure I will say the same thing….. "what do they mean….. NO!?"

Today is the run group…. all will be a BUZZZ with news of chicago… who is in…. who is not…. and the "magic" pre race work out will be revealed.  OH GOOD!  I need some pre race magic.

I'm getting kind of sick each time i refresh…. the decision is drawing closer….. will it be a yes…. or a no… the suspense is killing me!  Last year, I found out at 4pm.  It was a very long wait.

My tshirt gets delivered into my hands today.  The tshirt worn by the race winners…. I get to sport that in the mini this weekend…… and in Chicago…. if i am lucky…… just wearing that shirt….. makes me a little bit faster….. it's like a sense of pride…. to be a part of that.  And I can't believe how easily I have morphed into the running group….. it was like nothing. Like coming home….. arriving at a destination you were searching for and couldn't seem to find.  I am so thankful for that.  For those people…………


I AM IN CHICAGO.  And I ran 6 miles in 50.01…. UGH 2 seconds faster and I would have hit yet another goal I have!!! :)  Time 2 under miles ran….. 6 miles in 49:00…….It's all about goals….. have many many many MANY goals….




Just read an article called "My pace, my business."  It was so inspiring I had to blog about it ASAP.  This woman, is a runner, with medical conditions that do not facilitate her being able to run full mile stretches…. she runs and walks and she sometimes finishes dead last.  But she loves what she does.  And she keeps going.  The article starts out saying " I  will never win awards or be in the top 5 in my age group."  And my eyes kind of tear up…. the steady number 4…. the one that doesn't matter… always edged out of an award by some one just a little faster…. always. I am obsessed with pace and place.  It almost haunts me…. over shadowing my love for running…. that question…. that doubt…. that desire….. WHY can't I be a little bit better…..I envy this runner.  She is amazing.

My splits are great right now.  I am in a good place. I am ready.  I have worked really hard. Now it's go time…. relax and let my training take over…. my leg muscles are so sore and my thighs are chaffed raw.  My feet are so callused they barely feel anything. And my mind is so F&#$ING strong a chain saw couldn't cut through it's iron clad will and determination to finish this race well.  I am ready. I am still scared. But I am ready.

When my coach gave me my racing shirt… I asked what I owed…. he said nothing… just run fast on saturday.  He tells me I have a lot to figure out.  I know he is right.  I know when I am relaxed… I can really fly….once, some one told me I looked like a gazelle when I run….. I have looked down at my gps mid run to see 6s and 7s….. when I just let go and do what I love.   But I am stuck in a box of doubt, fear , and expectation. And it almost suffocates my mind when running out there. It confines me like heavy chains.. my body stiffens and my head panics….. NO doubt. No fear. No expectation.  The three Ns in my race.  If I can get there…..

People keep asking my why I am doing this…. don't you realize what you are doing to your body….. what are you running from……

What I am doing to my body is…. what comes naturally….. I am not running away…. I am running towards something….. Victory…. overcoming doubt…. I am running towards becoming the best me I can be.

I love this sport.  I have been blessed with the ability to do this sport…. everything takes work and dedication…. even talent needs to work hard……

My racing group is inspiring me.  I am no longer alone at the races…. MY first friend, the one I met in the parking lot, the one that walks and jogs… my ultimate hero…. she came out to my last race and watched me finish….. The group cheers for each other…. I have my people!

At practice, they talk to me…. tell me I am looking fast….. or medium fast…..I laugh…. leader of the medium pack here….. Last night they nicknamed me french fry.  I am not alone any more.  There really is strength in numbers.  They will never know how thankful I am to be a part of the group. How just being there with them, inspires me to do better.

And my amazing children cheered about Chicago.  And my amazing Mom has dinner for me every tuesday, after my hard run.  I have so much support it is un real. I am so thankful.

Last night, as I lay on the couch, exhausted, broken, sore, unable to move for a good 30 minutes….. it felt fantastic, to have worked that hard.  Last good beat down before the race.  3 days……. Today, I let go of doubt.  I can do this. I can run 13 miles.  And I will.  I believe in myself. I KNOW I CAN DO THIS.  No Doubt. 

Favorite food today: Bananas cherries and granola YUM
Water Water Water
work out….. keep muscles loose and tight…... keep weights stretchy and light


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