MILES 360
Generally after a race, it all takes a moment or a day to set in. There is the exhilaration of the finish, the shock of a decent time and the general excitement of the day. It is a lot. SO my race went well. I missed my time by 40 seconds…..
The day before the race, my coach had a pep talk with me, about staying relaxed, knowing when to push and about the start of the race….. most race mistakes happen in the first 2 minutes…. enter a whole new plethora of stuff for me to juggle around in my mind.
He told me to judge those around me…. to make sure I was not to far back. To align myself with like runners and fit individuals who could help pace me and keep me on track and most importantly not slow my start. So I am focusing on a relaxed first mile and starting position and omg how far is this and where am I going and I have to move my legs and breath and slow my heart and steady my mind and ….. so I just stepped into the 4th row from the start line. I looked beside me… yeah, sure, we all look fit, we are not in the starting line. I am good. What I did not do, was look in front of me. If I had I may have noticed a non runner with head to toe gadgets directly in my path. But my mind was only focused on that count down, on that first mile. We take this 1 solid steady maintain mile at a time.
Off we went, full speed ahead fly over the start activate timing chip…… and then it happens…. just into that up hill acceleration of the first mile. Gadgets sunglasses fly up into the air and gadget stops and bends down directly in my run path. With hundreds streaming to the sides and me with no other choice but to put on the brakes and hope I can stop on time. My race began with a full speed ahead road block causing me to yell "Oh S#!&!" as I ran thorough the start line and nearly collided with disaster. Mistake number 1.
I rerouted…. gadget retrieved their item and once again… we are off.
I lost that first pack in the first half mile. As i focused on staying relaxed and ran my pace, the front pack pulled away and I was left leading the middle….. Fine. I will make it up. I will stay strong.
Hill after hill after hill…. until I was looking down just telling myself to run….. reminding myself of all of the times I let up and lost my division award by seconds….. coming in 4th again and again and again. And I did not let up. Not once. When I felt my stomach burn and I wanted to slow I focused on my breath and I held strong.
In the final mile and a half, we rounded into a subdivision. My timer told me I was keeping good time, on track, about 6 seconds off, but something I could surely make up in the last mile. as I came into the subdivision, I had this clear feeling of "Having it" Then on the other side of the cones the leaders flew out, less than a half a mile to go, strong and solid. And I almost slipped…. I bowed my head…. I wished so hard I could be them. I wanted their talent, their ability. I was disappointed, I was let down, I was defeated…..Mistake number 2.
Now 3 things happened that kept me in the race…… First…. my playlist was all aces from this point out….. just as I bowed my head….. the dixie chicks sand….."I'm not ready to make nice, I'm not ready to back down…." And I remembered that I was NOT a quitter. I might not be in that front pack, but I was not a quitter. And I would never get where I wanted to go by giving in to defeat….. and so I raised my head and I kept going….. I passed a guy who started walking…. I noticed through out the race, there were not many girls in my middle pack….. I kept going…… Snow Patrol's RUN came on….. AHHHH My ultimate push through song…. perfect timing…… I get chills every time when I hear that song "Light up, Light up and if you have a choice….." Because we always have a choice…..right there in that race I had a choice…... " Slower slower… we don't have time for that….find an easy way out of your head…… Have heart my dear and don't you be afraid….." This song reminds me of my kids…… It reminds me of all of the support and wonderful people around me…… The ending line "Light up light up as if you have a choice, even if you can not hear my voice, Ill be right beside you dear….." I hope my kids take that message into their difficult moments in life….. funny thing about being supportive of other people….. you never know when that support is going to be a game changer for some one….. it could be a day or a week or even a month later….. being supportive…. it's like giving some one and extra life line….. just when they are ready to give up….. they remember……. they are uplifted…… As RUN ended….. in the last half mile…… I ran to the top of the final hill and my beautiful, amazing, city came into full view… literally, the home stretch….. illuminated in sunlight and beauty and victory….. Hopeless Wanderer played and I let my body move to the natural cadence I had developed with my favorite Mumford song…… truly loving the skies I was under….. and my running group was there…. on that final stretch… cheering……. and… well… you have to look good for the running group…. head high shoulders back… I ran strong, choosing the perfect moment to accelerate and sprint into the finish….. passing everyone on the way……. and then…… of course…… I puked.
But I made it. And I was exhausted and I did good. That day, I gave it my best effort. I really believe that.
AHHHH…. I was 5/67 in my age group division and 22/346 in the female division and 84/559 overall. It is crushing, of course. But I don't think I had anything more to give on that day…. So I have to accept it and be happy with my effort. 42:03…. that was an 8:28 average on solid hills. I am happy but I need to do better. The day
WILL come when I have more to give.
Tonight is the run group. It is a cold windy awful day. I want to see my new running friends….. but ugh….. I don't want to run in this…… but UGH I need mental toughness…… in 2 weeks I will cover the distance in another race…… my final prep for GEIST. I will have a hill 8k and a 13.1 flat half under my belt as I go into my A race looking to PR and brake 1:50:00. It is undoubtably going to be the hardest race of my life. I just hope I am ready. Geist in a very hard race…. people avoid it because of the hills….however, in my world "There is no passion to be found in playing small…. in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living….."
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