JTG: Magic in Misery

August 25, 2015

Miles 667

Chicago is less than 2 moths away..... I have put all time goals on hold as I prepare for those 26.2 miles. I love marathons. And for this..... I am focused on 1 thing. Manage effort. And kick ass.

It has been a long year since last Chicago.

I have had moments when it seems, not only, that I will never get better, but that I am getting worse.... There have also been times where I am flying so high.... Full of running accomplishments and PRs..... I could be happy, sad, mad, exhausted, well rested... yet the run is its own thing.... What happens when my feel connect with the pavement is a different kind of magic everytime..... Magic that feeds my soul, calms my restless mind, and exhausts my energy into a peaceful calm sense of content.

I have ran on bad days, good days, days when all I wanted to do was not run..... Days when I couldn't wait to run. What I bring to the ground when my feet hit the street is all up to..... That moment..... It's a decision you make... Right then..... Am I all in? Will I give it my all? Or will I struggle..... It's always my choice and yet, my decision is never the same. Some days we run with victory, and some days we run with defeat. It is all these days..... All of these runs that make us strong. That make us runners..... It's the easy building blocks running that give us confidence..... And it's the hard mind crushing runs that give us strength.... Often when some one tells me... I'm not feeling it today.... I am instantly jealous.... Because I know what they will get out of the run they did anyway... Is a gift! Overcoming the impossible.... Willing your mind and body to pull through.... That reference point you will draw from in those racing moments when all you want to do is stop.... Slow down.... Pull back..... But you have trained your mind and body to overcome and to have confidence in your ability to do so!

I can't tell you how I have agonized over seconds..... Cried over a minute, coveted others race times.... Questioned my ability and let feelings of failure and self doubt destroy my running mojo..... Telling myself so many times... I'm Am not good enough ....I will never get where I need to be.... I can't do this ....These days I have a different kind of mantra..... I am....... simply....enough and I can.... What ever that means for ME.... What ever that enough is on that day good or bad.... I am enough and I can. And because I can, because ....I am enough ... I will. And it will be miserable and fantastic all at the same time..... There will be easy runs where I glide and take it all in.... And runs where I struggle and choke and feel every ounce of my insides burning in pain as my mind begs me to stop. And my heart pushes on... Because there really is "magic in misery.....just ask any runner"! Chicago is right around the corner and this time what ever I show up with.... What ever I can give..... However this race plays out.... Is good..... Is exactly what I need.... Is enough.... The magic truly is that we all have the courage to start..... And once you begin.... You must simply enjoy the journey. That, is enough.