JTG: Marathon Memoir

It was about 7:30 when dusk began to fall on those busy excited humming streets of Chicago.  It was October 10th, 2015 and 60,000 people were awaiting their big moment….. for some it was for that first chance at such a great feat…. for others it was about a personal triumph, for some there would be Boston and even olympic trial qualifications….. It was the night before a world class event…. as those 60,000 waited for a moment in time that would forever change their lives…their chance to cross that finish line into eternal victory…… it was Chicago 2015 Marathon Eve.

We arrived in the city around 1pm.  The drive into the city was good….  my Mom and a gallon of water….. and a bag of sandwiches.  We ate and drank and drove and stopped at rest stops from drinking so much water…… At this point I had been living with a gallon jug attached to my hand for almost 2 weeks….. The goal was to finish the gallon early on this day.

We arrived in the city and the adventure began….. while waiting for a shuttle we were approached by a limo driver…. $7.00 for a ride to the expo…. and off we went……. check in…. I had forgotten my drivers license….yep… I can see it now…. where I tucked it away in my luggage…. still at the hotel….. not big surprise there…. big hold up…. manager….. chaos….. I open my purse… a random purse I grabbed before leaving…... just so I had something…. and there was…… my passport????….. Packet pick up CHECK! My number turned out to be a perfect combination of 2s, 4s and 8s…… we saw our friends at the expo…..I knew 3 people in my corral all targeting the same pace….. under 4….. THERE it is…. YES…. behold there was, somewhere in my head… a long shot goal……My last Chicagos had been 4:40 and 4:37… my last PR of 4:16 was almost 3 years ago in 2012….and then my times went down hill…....and at this moment….. it was as if the stars were beginning to align. It was time to head back up….. time to make things happen!  Gallon of water finished, race packet in hand we were just about ready to race!

After much fun at the expo…. a 3 year standing tradition with my Mom…. we went back to the hotel and had dinner with family….. the time was just after 5pm.  Salad, no dressing or dairy, 2 pretzel rolls, filet, lobster tail no butter….water, water, water.  Just after 6:45 I excused myself form the table and went to the room to prepare for the morning……

I quickly laid out my clothing…. scanned the participant info…gates…times…. check points…. reviewing any info I would need for the morning…. shoe check…. socks…watch….hair tie…...

I closed my eyes and envisioned that start line in the pale light of the setting sun.  I was calm and about to come undone all at the same time….. Sitting there in the hotel room, just breathing.  Listening to silence and tears began to stream down my cheeks…. excitement, anticipation, fear, elation, nerves, happiness, terror, joy, desire, passion, and a need for a sense of inner peace… I let everything go in those tears. My training, my hopes, my doubt, my fear, and anything else that would stand between the start and the finish and everything in between….. I could sleep in tomorrow and just go home!  I don't have to do this……but deep down…. it was all I wanted to do and I couldn't wait to have that chance…..to run my race after missing almost a full year….. I had trained well. And I knew it.

After a hot shower….. supportive texting…. wake up call set…. talk with my Mom… I closed my eyes…. it was about 8:45pm…. I bid farewell to marathon eve, I let go of the very last day of being "in training to run a marathon" and peacefully fell asleep……it was the first time I didn't lay there tossing and turning doubting my ability.  I knew I could finish the race and finish it well…. the timing made me uneasy…. but for the first time…. ever…. I knew that I had trained well enough to run my race.  I was mentally and physically ready.  For that state of mind….. there is no substitute.

5am phone call and we are awake!  It is almost time…… 3 hours away.  3 hours until the journey of a lifetime….. and it was a great 3 hours….. dressing, eating…..peanut butter bagel and a banana… half cup of coffee….. checking fuel…. taking a few pictures….. more awesome support texts…..

We walked to the start…. I entered the gate…. and found my corral….. I stood by a pace team…. we learned each others names….. talked about why we were here….. we were all a little nervous, cold, scared, excited.  And I told some first timers something a good friend once told me…. The first 20 miles….. you just run…. it's the last 6….. those are the miles that matter…. that is the real race….that is where you must start strong! And I had some info departed to me as well….. about a last 6 mile dedication….. you run each mile for some one….. to get through…..


And just like that we were off…… no head phones….. talking to other racers…. we ran…. we took to the streets of chicago with all of our hopes, aspirations and dreams of 26.2….. and it was amazing!

At mile 4….. just around 30 min in….. I had been advised to stop for water…. DAMN I didn't need water yet!!! I wasn't thirsty….. I though just push on….. get the time…… but that silly listen to your coach voice got into my head and said……. "you are not going to start making mistakes at mile 4….. are you) " and so I stopped and took the water.

I ran so strong for the first 15….. my 14th mile was a 7:02.5? Faulty GPS!?!….. how in the world did that happen….. The crowd was tight…. it was hard to break… I was focusing on small movements…. nothing big… conserve energy…. no big break aways…… Now…. I did have break away moments….. till the very end… I had moments where I could't  help but do my thing and fly……. but at mile 15 my hips started to tighten up….. in a way I have never felt…. I suppose it was not being able to keep a steady pace in the crowd….. running to slow, the slow down speed up tempo…… but at mile 15 i had to decide….. do I push this or do I pull back….. Mile 15 was also where the wind started to kick in….. I imagined I was a knife, slicing through butter.

From 1-15…. I never felt tired or winded…. I ran relaxed and easy by mile 15 I was still on track to average under 9 on my average….. but I made the decision to pull back. I stepped of course and vigorously stretched my hips….. I was worried about what I was feeling and for the first time in my life…. I pulled back… I had come so far this time and wasn't willing to risk it….. I was in body safe mode……

Miles 15-20 are fuzzy…… at some point I got out the music….. yeah I needed motivation….. I was getting over stimulated by the crowd…. race spectators were crossing the streets in front of me….. so much was going on….. I was trying to focus on the mile i was in and also mentally repeating my next water and or water/ fuel stop……and it was HARD.  I could run well…. then I couldn't….. I was flying…. then I was dragging….. where was I?  I took out my headphones…. I needed music…...And then mile 20……… there it was….. the race….. was that it…. really…. wait what does that mean…. and I headed into mile 21…..but a hip check…. still kept me holding back…. a time check told me if I just ran smart and kept going forward I could PR.

Begin the mile dedications….. when I saw mile 19………. GAME ON….

MILE 20 WAS HARD.  I am not sure if I was tired…. but these miles were getting really LONG.  I dedicated this mile…. the hardest mile of the race….. to Veronica…. my champion….. the girl who can win anything…… my youngest daughter.  I thought of her and pushed on… was this a hill? When did chicago get so many hills…..

MILE 21 WAS STILL HARD… I thought of my running friends…. my group, trainers…. basically my support groups….. Suzette, Kevin, MeChelle, Gary…. Scott, Justin,  Gene, Todd, PBT Matt, Mitch just everyone who over the course of this training had inspired me in some way….. to do better…. to get here…. to believe in myself.

MILE 22 Seriously STILL SO HARD…. am I moving….. I feel like i am flying but my watch says…. 11? and it says 23 miles….. OMG the course is long… or am I lost?  Am I off course…. did I turn wrong….Did I somehow wander into another marathon…. in Chicago….. on Sunday…. here I though of Matt.  …. ahhh this mile almost choked me up a bit…. you know how you just want  so much for some people sometimes….. I am thankful for his support….. I am thankful for almost a lifetime of knowing this person…for our amazing children…... not much more to say… but for this mile…. I thought of him…..

MILE 23….. surely this was almost over… right……. this mile was for Quin….. My son…. who is like the bravest kid I know.  I thought of all of his broken bones…. the testing…. the Drs and all that he had to endure at such a young age…. of how big his heart is…. how kind and upbeat he is…… how he always has so many friends because he is such a nice guy!  I though of him running cross country and not giving up…..

MILE 24……..I think I saw a sign that said…. it's just a 5k…. i was like oh hey YAY I've got this….. nope no I don't really….wait.. I do.. 3 miles I have pushed through harder miles than this on the tuesday night hills….. wait…. no no I haven't…..  My Mom and Dad…. WOW these 2 people….. My mom brings me food when I run… to help me recover…. she always makes sure I have running shoes that are not wore to the nub of the sole…. she takes me to races… lets me sleep, watches the kids so I can go to practice….. And My Dad…. he is like a steady rock of un moveable support and strength…. always encouraging me to do better and assuring me that I can…. helping me find my calm…..

MILE 25….. and here I started to see my PR slipping away and was forced to NOT PANIC….Alexandra….. my first born…… from that very moment we met, my life was forever changed….. never again would I be first….. you would always hold that place in my heart….. I became a Mom that day….. it was the single greatest day of my life…….. and YOU have been an absolute dream come true.

MILE 26….. OH I think I was 13 min away from losing my PR here…… All I could think was RUN and don't stop…. just don't' stop and you will have a PR…. AND FFFFFFF I wanted to stop…. I don't know why but OMG I wanted to stop….. This mile was for ME.  I thought of every time I stopped or gave up… every goal not hit….. every loss every disappointment…. every tuesday… every victory…. every milestone…. everything I could ever be and wanted to be and just please don't stop ….. 1 mile to go sign…… OMG it's still THAT far but I am not fading…..……. a whole mile and I think I am down to 11 min…….and just don't stop…. drag yourself if you need to but NO NO NO NO stopping…..800 meter sign…..2 laps around the track 2 laps… we are so close…. don't over do it….. TV cameras…. I run with a guy passing the car with the cameras the crowds are roaring here….. we cheer and hold our arms up for crowd cheers….. we are turning the corner…. accelerating…. it's just around this corner……no it's not….. F…. where is it!!!!!  and we curve and we run and 200 meter sign and one more turn…. and the finish comes into full view….. and I run as fast as I can for that finish and I see the clock and I know I have beat my time…… I have accomplished my goal and as I cross that finish line completing my 7th marathon…. all I can think of is when can I get another shot at this….. THEN OMG OMG EVERYTHING HURTS!  I didn't hurt anything but WHY does it have to hurt so bad….. and we walk delirious through the finish shoot …. medal ….water…..banana….. keep moving and then grass wet towel for my neck…. I am so hot…. my phone dings and Matt and the kids are texting me 4:12:02 unofficial time….. you beat your record.  Congrats….. YOU DID IT…. and I collapse on the grass happier than I have ever been after a race ….. it is done and it was done well! Chicago Marathon 2015 complete.

***** 4 days later I would return to running… a little tired… but other than that….. only a medal and a PR lets me know last weekend I ran 26.2!