JTB: Can you give me a second?
Miles 1059
8 miles in 12 days. And the last 4 kind of hurt. It is such a difficult struggle for the mind and body to grasp an injury that disrupts your daily routine..... it is also hard to see un realized goals and crushed dreams..... pity party table for 1 please!
I mean, it is inevitable.... right? At some point everyone has something that sidelines them and we all feel really bad and offer comfort and just thank our lucky stars that we are still healthy.... only I am not in the we.... I am the me on the sidelines..... seeing my whole season pass by without a single ..... forget PR.... without a single solid race..... and the support is great..... I have the best friends.... the running community is amazing.... and yet..... even though I know this too shall pass and I will be back cruising through the miles.... it sucks.... and my mind just doesn't want to realize that I need to give my body time to heal. And i guess that's ok.....
It is just hard to train and work and commit to something that never happened..... And I angrily want to say what a waste.... why did I push through those grueling hard hills and heat and early mornings and just why did I work so hard for THIS. I mean I love running.... but the summer wasn't easy..... and I endured the struggle for the pay off.... I kept the faith... I kept going..... I didn't quit....now it's like my bank account full of miles has been frozen by a creditor that is called "injury".
The mental part of running can be really hard when you are hurt.... distance running by nature teaches us to shut out pain and keep going.... so when we have pain.... how do we give an ok to pull back.... how do we grant that reprieve to let go...... when all we have worked for is to push beyond the boundaries of pain and anguish and keep moving forward... no matter what.
I find myself reminding me...... that I have to be kind to my body..... that if I expect greatness I have to value and love my body.... I have to rest and heal and get stronger..... I also have to believe that at the end of it all, my goals are attainable.... that while an injury may put things on hold..... I still have the work behind me.... work that makes me stronger..... miles and miles and miles that say I can......
In the past 5 years, I have probably taken 1 - 1:20 min:sec off each mile in races..... and it has been steady..... each year I get better..... I can say 11 seconds per mile, per year.... OMG I have so many years left to get where I want to be...... OMG if i keep going I am going to get where I want to be......
I guess that is a gift in itself..... seeing the progress.... knowing there is progress.... I just wish it was faster.... Right now I am working on patience..... having patience with myself and my goals. It can be hard when everyone around you seems to get so good so fast..... but.... that is their story..... and 11 seconds a year sounds small...... but 22 seconds in 2 years.... that sounds like around 6 minutes..... THAT sounds huge......
Today I went for a run and at the first onset of pain.... I stopped. I walked 2 miles. It was miserable.... cold.... slow.... pointless.... until I started to look around..... until I remembered there is beauty in everything.... there is beauty in healing, in saying it is OK to stop if it hurts..... there is beauty in being compassionate with oneself and doing whatever it takes to just get better and get stronger..... and so I stopped being ashamed and I looked around and said to myself.... after a 4 mile run.... it is OK to walk a cool down..... there is value here...... and ended up being a pretty ok walk.... the leaves.... the trees..... the colors of fall in Indiana..... it was kind of beautiful.
I am still hoping to run the final race of the season in 3 weeks..... and I am going to be relying 100% on the work I did this summer.... my fall training has been all rehab and awful hurt miles...... but.... occasionally there has been some good miles..... And I did strong work this summer and my fitness level is good.
It will be the second race this season..... I work well in seconds..... right now I am thankful for seconds....I guess 11 seconds is almost like a second a month....... and I am really excited to start working on the next second.......
8 miles in 12 days. And the last 4 kind of hurt. It is such a difficult struggle for the mind and body to grasp an injury that disrupts your daily routine..... it is also hard to see un realized goals and crushed dreams..... pity party table for 1 please!
It is just hard to train and work and commit to something that never happened..... And I angrily want to say what a waste.... why did I push through those grueling hard hills and heat and early mornings and just why did I work so hard for THIS. I mean I love running.... but the summer wasn't easy..... and I endured the struggle for the pay off.... I kept the faith... I kept going..... I didn't quit....now it's like my bank account full of miles has been frozen by a creditor that is called "injury".The mental part of running can be really hard when you are hurt.... distance running by nature teaches us to shut out pain and keep going.... so when we have pain.... how do we give an ok to pull back.... how do we grant that reprieve to let go...... when all we have worked for is to push beyond the boundaries of pain and anguish and keep moving forward... no matter what.
I find myself reminding me...... that I have to be kind to my body..... that if I expect greatness I have to value and love my body.... I have to rest and heal and get stronger..... I also have to believe that at the end of it all, my goals are attainable.... that while an injury may put things on hold..... I still have the work behind me.... work that makes me stronger..... miles and miles and miles that say I can......
In the past 5 years, I have probably taken 1 - 1:20 min:sec off each mile in races..... and it has been steady..... each year I get better..... I can say 11 seconds per mile, per year.... OMG I have so many years left to get where I want to be...... OMG if i keep going I am going to get where I want to be......
I guess that is a gift in itself..... seeing the progress.... knowing there is progress.... I just wish it was faster.... Right now I am working on patience..... having patience with myself and my goals. It can be hard when everyone around you seems to get so good so fast..... but.... that is their story..... and 11 seconds a year sounds small...... but 22 seconds in 2 years.... that sounds like around 6 minutes..... THAT sounds huge......
Today I went for a run and at the first onset of pain.... I stopped. I walked 2 miles. It was miserable.... cold.... slow.... pointless.... until I started to look around..... until I remembered there is beauty in everything.... there is beauty in healing, in saying it is OK to stop if it hurts..... there is beauty in being compassionate with oneself and doing whatever it takes to just get better and get stronger..... and so I stopped being ashamed and I looked around and said to myself.... after a 4 mile run.... it is OK to walk a cool down..... there is value here...... and ended up being a pretty ok walk.... the leaves.... the trees..... the colors of fall in Indiana..... it was kind of beautiful.I am still hoping to run the final race of the season in 3 weeks..... and I am going to be relying 100% on the work I did this summer.... my fall training has been all rehab and awful hurt miles...... but.... occasionally there has been some good miles..... And I did strong work this summer and my fitness level is good.
It will be the second race this season..... I work well in seconds..... right now I am thankful for seconds....I guess 11 seconds is almost like a second a month....... and I am really excited to start working on the next second.......
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