JTB: Reindeer Games

Miles 40

Image result for running inspiration to keep tryingSo, milage looks off to a good start… it's going well… some 9s, mostly in the 8:40 range….just having fun getting back to it, enjoying training. But, oh wait…. it sucks. Sadness is having your favorite thing in the world suddenly seem hard and undoable…. healthy….CHECK…. uninjured…..CHECK…. decent mile times….CHECK….. keeping up with the milage increase CHECK…. so WHY is it so hard…. it's kind of cold…. it's dark…. my friends are gone….

Image result for running inspiration to keep tryingThe run coach introduced me to another runner to help me…. she very coldly shut me out… even though her name wasn't winter… and she ran so fast that I am not even sure if she was showing off or if maybe I smelled.  Seriously run group has become the reindeer game and I am Rudolf…. glowing red nose from the cold and all…. and oh yeah I am not guiding the sleigh, I am so far behind it I can't even see it…. and my super cool attractive headlamp really could be a glowing nose….how did this happen… I like rock paper scissors so much better than reindeer games…..


Image result for running inspiration to keep trying
For a brief while my status had climbed up to 85%lete and now I am sadly wallowing in my halflete self pity.  I am like the slowest runner in all that is left of our group as the winter presses on. I am not even sure I can claim halflete…. I might be a quarterlete or maybe.. not a lete at all…. which is ok and would be fine…. if only I could be a runner!  It is hard to be the newest one in an already formed group and not feel accepted or even good enough to be part of the group.  It is hard as hell to show up and freeze and keep trying  and being so far behind…. not to mention running itself is hard.

Image result for running inspiration to keep tryingWould you believe that even at our age there are cliques….. groups of women who form groups and exclude….. yep… that still happens…. and all of the friendly supportive smiling nice doesn't matter to a clique…. you are either in or out… and in run group I am out.  It's really sad.  I know…right… it's not even about that…. but it is still hard…. feeling left out… on top of feeling sub par and slow… so so SO slow…. now I am excluded…… no reindeer games for me…. which again would be fine… if only I could run…..
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NOW the really sad part of this story is that all of this BS is completely clouding my mind from my goal…..  I am uninjured… coming off a great season… running with elite runners…. and I am not focusing on the big picture…. I have already forgotten what I struggled so hard to learn last year…. that the only person I need to accept me, be impressed by my….. beat me….. and be satisfied with me…. is me…..
So I guess I just take my red nose and continue to run behind the pack and get better.  I guess I keep going early so I am not left out there alone in the dark…..I guess the beginning of the road to Boston is a road that asks not only do you want this… but are you tough enough to even try…. The answer is yes….. I don't really like playing games anyway….. and i really need to get out of my head…. out of the games and into the run…. it's time to start hitting some numbers and improve my time…. I have a BQ to chase…. and a really cool city to visit.  And someday… maybe I won't be so far behind…. someday maybe it won't matter.




Need to drink more water….
Squats still at 90
Deadlift at 125
only 1 45 plate on the leg sled :(((((

Eating….. everything in sight…. and avocados more avocados please!
Avocado on whole wheat toast is my favorite right now…..

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