JTB: little blog lost
Miles 955
Guess I wrote this 4 weeks ago.... stay tuned for the update.....
Wow. It has been a long time since Ive sat down and thought about things. like over 300 miles. that took a long time to count. Today I woke up and thought my life is like a really bad sex in the city episode or like the girlfriends guide to divorce episode "failure". I was driving the kids to school reflecting on how they had just had fruit smoothies and left over chic-fillet for breakfast(YEP).... how messy my house was(dishes and laundry suck)..... how that's ok because I don't really have any adult company to notice(dishes and laundry still suck)..... how...I was now 41(FML).... how I don't have a freaking dime of my own in the bank and probably never will(and if I ever do... braces...book fees...uniforms)... and I live in a perpetual state of exhaustion(8 hours of sleep a week..right?).........Thank god I have good hair(please please please let me keep that). It is going to be WAY TO HOT to run the speed work tonight(no comment).
In some ways everything is pretty successful. My kids are amazing.... thank you thank you thank you for the only thing I have somehow managed to get right in life. Somehow I manage to cram 500 hours worth of stuff into 24. I get a few hours of sleep. Coffee exists. I love my job. I know some pretty great people. And RUNNING. Running has become like salvation. Therapy, the spa, my alone time, my highs, my ups, my adult conversations. And somehow it keeps getting better.... If only I could wake up next to running every morning... we could make breakfast, have some coffee, talk about our upcoming day, encourage each other.... I mean I really like running, but if running is taken I would totally settle for coffee. Yep, I've completely lost it. Again, good thing it's just me and me.
30something days until my marathon. I am SO not ready. If by some grace of all that is good in the world I can manage to break 4, I will be the happiest girl ever. I have a half marathon in 2 weeksish and right now my body feels like it weighs 2 ton in this heat and humidity. So, I don't even have a goal there.
I have spent the entire summer running hills and enduring heat and humidity. Seeing my times slow and feeling my hopes absolutely crushed as I just seemed to get slower and slower..... while all around me it seemed everyone was having the best run of their life.... but I kept going..... listening to the running coach. I kept slowing....going... doing something that looked like running and felt like hell. Still loving it.... hey relationships are hard sometimes.... but me and running... we are so solid.... I mean again I really like coffee..... but we don't have to go there..... I kept running somehow....
I don't feel like I have gotten better though. I don't see myself beating my times last year. At this point I don't even see myself matching them. It's really discouraging. But I guess sometimes you just have to say, I gave it all I had and if it doesn't pay off this time... it will..... some day it will.
And I have to exemplify that for my children, hard work, failure, and success...... because first and foremost I am a Mom. And if you really want to know me, or see who I am and what my life is all about.... then you would have to know my children. They are everything good all wrapped up in these tiny little amazing and very different packages.... with 3 kids every day is a surprise..... The big thing now is being "a single pringle or taken bacon" I carefully explain to them.... this house is a can..... and we are all pringles. in the can. and that is that. No bacon. Only vegetarian chips here. In the pringle can. Bacon is so over rated. I mean it's not running... and it's not coffee....
I hope that I can run Chicago stronger than I ever have before. I have 5 more weeks in which to find that strength. There is no one here that is going to help me with that or convince me I can do it or give me the strength on that day to endure what it will take to get what I want...... Just me and me. It's funny because in someways I have never felt more alone and in other ways I have never felt more empowered. I do everything on my own(so many dishes.....so much laundry... ) ..... It's amazing and a little sad. Marathons make me super emotional. It's so scary to run that far. And it is probably the greatest feeling in the world to cross the finish line. It completely re enforces that I can do and over come anything myself. Tonight is going to be hot. My miles may be slow. But I can overcome that. 1 step at a time. I mean, anything is possable, even dishes and laundry!
Guess I wrote this 4 weeks ago.... stay tuned for the update.....
Wow. It has been a long time since Ive sat down and thought about things. like over 300 miles. that took a long time to count. Today I woke up and thought my life is like a really bad sex in the city episode or like the girlfriends guide to divorce episode "failure". I was driving the kids to school reflecting on how they had just had fruit smoothies and left over chic-fillet for breakfast(YEP).... how messy my house was(dishes and laundry suck)..... how that's ok because I don't really have any adult company to notice(dishes and laundry still suck)..... how...I was now 41(FML).... how I don't have a freaking dime of my own in the bank and probably never will(and if I ever do... braces...book fees...uniforms)... and I live in a perpetual state of exhaustion(8 hours of sleep a week..right?).........Thank god I have good hair(please please please let me keep that). It is going to be WAY TO HOT to run the speed work tonight(no comment).
In some ways everything is pretty successful. My kids are amazing.... thank you thank you thank you for the only thing I have somehow managed to get right in life. Somehow I manage to cram 500 hours worth of stuff into 24. I get a few hours of sleep. Coffee exists. I love my job. I know some pretty great people. And RUNNING. Running has become like salvation. Therapy, the spa, my alone time, my highs, my ups, my adult conversations. And somehow it keeps getting better.... If only I could wake up next to running every morning... we could make breakfast, have some coffee, talk about our upcoming day, encourage each other.... I mean I really like running, but if running is taken I would totally settle for coffee. Yep, I've completely lost it. Again, good thing it's just me and me.
30something days until my marathon. I am SO not ready. If by some grace of all that is good in the world I can manage to break 4, I will be the happiest girl ever. I have a half marathon in 2 weeksish and right now my body feels like it weighs 2 ton in this heat and humidity. So, I don't even have a goal there.
I have spent the entire summer running hills and enduring heat and humidity. Seeing my times slow and feeling my hopes absolutely crushed as I just seemed to get slower and slower..... while all around me it seemed everyone was having the best run of their life.... but I kept going..... listening to the running coach. I kept slowing....going... doing something that looked like running and felt like hell. Still loving it.... hey relationships are hard sometimes.... but me and running... we are so solid.... I mean again I really like coffee..... but we don't have to go there..... I kept running somehow....
I don't feel like I have gotten better though. I don't see myself beating my times last year. At this point I don't even see myself matching them. It's really discouraging. But I guess sometimes you just have to say, I gave it all I had and if it doesn't pay off this time... it will..... some day it will.
And I have to exemplify that for my children, hard work, failure, and success...... because first and foremost I am a Mom. And if you really want to know me, or see who I am and what my life is all about.... then you would have to know my children. They are everything good all wrapped up in these tiny little amazing and very different packages.... with 3 kids every day is a surprise..... The big thing now is being "a single pringle or taken bacon" I carefully explain to them.... this house is a can..... and we are all pringles. in the can. and that is that. No bacon. Only vegetarian chips here. In the pringle can. Bacon is so over rated. I mean it's not running... and it's not coffee....
I hope that I can run Chicago stronger than I ever have before. I have 5 more weeks in which to find that strength. There is no one here that is going to help me with that or convince me I can do it or give me the strength on that day to endure what it will take to get what I want...... Just me and me. It's funny because in someways I have never felt more alone and in other ways I have never felt more empowered. I do everything on my own(so many dishes.....so much laundry... ) ..... It's amazing and a little sad. Marathons make me super emotional. It's so scary to run that far. And it is probably the greatest feeling in the world to cross the finish line. It completely re enforces that I can do and over come anything myself. Tonight is going to be hot. My miles may be slow. But I can overcome that. 1 step at a time. I mean, anything is possable, even dishes and laundry!
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