Heading upward and onward means saying good bye

This year I dropped my oldest off at college, started a new job, and competed in 3 national lifting meets.  It seems like the pandemic was another lifetime, but I still feel the effects every time I head into yet another place I " haven't been to in years".  When I reluctantly leave my house on the weekends... when I realize how little I socialize.  In reality 2023 has been an amazing year.  I think the most valuable lesson I have learned over the last 5 years is how important it is to be ok with letting go and saying goodbye.  How important it is to cherish the people you love and the good times....so when they end, you can let go with out feeling like you missed a second.  So that when you say goodbye, you do so knowing you were all in, you lived every moment you enjoyed the time you had until it ended.  

I miss my Dad everyday.  Lately I miss my little babies... running around the house... I miss the magic... I miss the laughter and the love.  It is quiet these days.  And while I love the sound of solitude and alone time.... I miss times gone by.  Not in sad way, but in a joyful, thankful for the memories kind of way.  How are my kids so grown up. 

I remember thinking potty training 3 childern was the hardest thing I would ever do. It's actually teaching them how to drive with out having a heart attack that is the hardest thing to do... no - wait- it is waving good bye as you board a plane and leave your child a world away for college - in Europe.... it is experienceing your children feel the pain of a break up, a loss, or realizing how the pandemic effected their life..... it is all hard.  But nothing worth having is ever easy. 

The highlights of 2023 have been:  Landing the job of my dreams.... after having the opportunity to work part time and raise my children. Watching my baby win a whole Cross Country race with over 300 girls.... seeing her make the state team... my son playing in Rio fest in Madrid, Lisbon, and Portigal.  And my oldest finishing her first semester in college in the Netherlands.... 2.5 more years to go! 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I just hit.... pause

Image
2020 A few weeks ago, this blog had a very different beginning.  I was about to publish... when I came across this photo..... I love this picture of myself.  I am not sure the photographer knew everything he captured in this moment.  This was after facing some of my biggest fears and learning some invaluable truths about myself. 2018-2019 was a year of learning.  This photo is a picture of a girl who felt like she had lost almost everything, who felt so devastated and so tired.  But somehow, she found the strength and perseverance to keep moving forward... no matter how weak she felt or how hard it got.... and in that prolific moment of realization.... I wrote a new beginning to this story.  I have read that the times we feel crushed, pressed, under extreme pressure, or in total darkness are paths to powerful places of transformation.  I see that now, as I am emerging into new beginnings...That is to say, over a year ago, when I was in so muc...
Read more

One Year Epilogue

Image
Well... I am coming up on the one year mark from what I thought might be the end of life as I know it. One year ago, my Dad was very sick, one year ago I discovered that some one I thought the world of was ready, willing,  and able to hurt me more than I ever thought I could bare... one year ago.... I started crossfit... one year ago I was running for the single purpose of trying to breathe. One year ago...felt like I had been knocked down so far... I would never be able to get up...  and I made it. It was October when I walked into that crossfit gym.  Damn I was so thankful for those moments of beating the F out of my body so that I felt something... I was so numb.... I looked forward to that hour... I felt almost nothing... I left shaking and sore and tired and... not devistated...not sad.  That one hour a day was the ONLY thing that kept me sane a year ago. When I recap this in my head... I was helping take care of my Dad, my Mom also became ill... I had a gre...
Read more

Sometimes the best plan... is...no plan

Image
Life is kind of like " the train that crashed my heart... the glitter in the dark..." This blog started as my single Mom running diary.  It has served me as an outlet through some of the hardest times in my life...Times I felt completely alone. This blog has helped me process, appreciate myself, it has documented my incredible personal victories, it has recorded monumental heartbreaks.  Most importantly, it has let me be me. Pouring my head and heart out in cyber space.  It is time to begin where I left off..... or perhaps even,..... before I started....  Circa 2015........ 2014 - Mid summer. It was unseasonably hot. I drove 9 hours to drop my youngest off at a camp, and 7 more hours to meet my dad at his cabin in the mountains.  I did not have AC, but, being no stranger to 4/65 AC and lots of water.... it didn't feel like a big deal to be driving with no AC.  In summer, with my children... we would make it.  We had made it this far.   My Dad met ...
Read more