JTG: Cupcake wishes and Muscle dreams….

MILES 54
MONDAY 
I am eating soup… there are no clean spoons… so I grab the giant silver serving spoon and eat.  I can run 10 miles and be super excited to do so…. but wash a spoon…. ain't nobody got no time for THAT! I do know that ain't isn't a word….fyi….

6 relaxed amazing sunshiny easy wonderful can I do it again please miles! An 8:52 pace of really fun feel good perfection with minimal effort.  I love this! I go through this wide range of emotions when running.  It really IS therapy…. I feel happy, thoughtful, scared, tired, determined, angry, thoughtful again, exhausted, calm, peaceful…… I have confidence and then I have more doubt than I ever thought possible.

There are times when I honestly believe I can not do it.  Times when I want to shut off my pace/mile tracker and stop racing and give up.  Last year I remember thinking WHY did I say under 2…. WHY did  set such a definitive under 2 goal. I will never make it.  There was crying EVERY night before a race….. so sure that I couldn't do it… so scared of failure…. and this worries me about my 1:49…. forget winning for a second… just the task at hand… the next PR… the 1:49….. it is only asking to take 4 minutes off my time…..yet I understand with every ounce of muscle and determination in my body that it will be hard.  That some days I will want to quit… that I will doubt myself so much that failure seems inevitable…. really….. I GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS….. and really…...not sure if it is just me.

I could easily give up and just coast at who knows what pace….. but finishing wouldn't feel the same….. because at this point I know I can run a half….. so it is a different place…. just running a half is no longer the goal…. I am not out there running with friends… laughing passing the time…. I am doing this for a reason… who knows why….. but it's something….. and I need a goal…. and that goal needs to evolve as I do….. and so here we are….. at a 1:49……

In my run today I felt amazing…… alive….. capable.  Then a 6 foot something male track star went flying past me and DAMN he was good….. REALLY good.  Fluid and perfect and fast…. flying!  And I knew I would never measure up to that.  I would never run 1 of his miles. UGH it was like a face slapping reminder that I am a 5'3, 39 year old, female…… with like 2 weeks track experience and one 5th grade cross country team race…..

I only saw the track star once on that mile loop.  I did 5 loops before running for home… pushing myself not to stop… not even once, veering into the grass to avoid ice and to keep going.  Loving how my trail running made the transition from  pavement to wet muddy grass an easy fluid terrain.  By the time I realized all of this I had long gotten over the track star thoughts….. I was on to a new thought….. the idea that I can run 26.2 miles…. RUN…. not walk( although I don't mean to take anything away from anyone here….26.2 anyway you do it on foot is pretty amazing) And I can run these 26.2 miles… not fast….. but not slow….. and nothing can take that away from me….. no matter how much faster they are running!

TUESDAY
 I did this run drill from H&LL tonight.  It was SO hard.  Honestly it made 26 miles pale in comparison.  I think I might be dead and just don't know it yet.  It is a speed drill with intervals of 5,4,3,2,1,1,2,3,4,5.
The intervals are in minute increments and you have a 2 min recovery jog in between.  1/2 mile warm up 1/4 mile cool down it is just at 6 miles.    The intervals are as fast as you can go…. and increasing, of course.  Starting at 5 min….sprinting……KILLS.  Each interval after that first 5 is kind of like this…. first minute in…. oh I've got this….no problem…. not so hard at all….. 2nd minute and beyond…. OMFG I am dying OMG I can't do this…. 3 min 3 min it's only 3 min…. 3  MINUTES that is 180 seconds….180…. have you lost it…. 180 MORE seconds of this…. and so on…..I know it sounds easy….right?  just a few interval sprints…. WRONG.  wrong wrong wrong wrong…. by mile 4.6 I stopped….. complete shut down…melt down….can't do it…..stopped.  THEN the worst I had to finish knowing I broke.  The whole experience was complete gut wrenching mind blowing agony.  I have to do this once a week until races start…. and for some bizzaro lunatic reason…. I can't wait until next Tuesday…. NEXT tuesday… I will NOT brake.

We did heavy lifting in the morning for about 90 minutes. This was a go hard or go home and sit on the couch and eat an extra large order of french fries and a vanilla peanut butter shake kind of day.

WEDNESDAY
It's semi official.  I did die yesterday.  OMG I can hardly move.  And the pain is in weird places….. oh no it's only 6am and I have a very full day….. pain pain go away come again some other lifetime….. Can I have a pain pass please??? Like a pass where I can just turn it in to life and skip how I feel today…. like a free day for my body… "Life, I am using my pass today…… I would like to feel good…. oh AND I would like to sleep in and wake up to a pizza and wings in bed followed by mimosa and ice cream and a moviethon all day.  In bed."  Can I have one of those passes????

THURSDAY
6 mile progression run…..

Every runner loves new shoes.  It is like christmas morning as a kid…. opening the box… lacing them up for the first time….. It is with these shoes that you create a lasting bond….for the next 6 months….There are ups and downs… good moments and bad moments.. these shoes will become your best friend and your worst enemy.  These shoes are the vehicle in which you will train and run the season of races….. and they are HERE!  NOW! OMG and everything else at the running store is on sale!  I mean…. I need another long sleeve running shirt or 3…. 200 isn't enough….. and this one is PURPLE… I don't have one in this shade of PURPLE!


And then…. on the treadmill….. just beginning mile 4…. pain shoots into my knee cap.  I have never felt pain like this.  For the first time ever.  I stop immediately. I AM NOT at all happy.  WTF is this.  And I have to admit,  kind of freaking out.  I have a 10 mile run this weekend.  It is full on training season.  I do not have time for this….. and some tiny nagging voice is reminding me of the terrible toos…. too much….too fast, too soon……. TOO much to even think about right now.  OK so I will back off.  And be miserable and lose valuable training time and not be as fast as I could be and not hit my miles and not hit my goals and just sit here looking at my shiny new shoes….. I will back off. And eat some ice cream(vanilla peanut butter…???).  And wallow in my misery.  You always hear those stories of the person who pushed through knee pain only to do such serious damage that they can no longer run again.  So I will back off.   For today.  I can't even explain how difficult this is.  It's not even the pain.  The pain doesn't bother me…. but I want to run for a long time.  I don't want to end my running days over a short sighted decision to not listen to my body.  UUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH.  Yoga time.

FRIDAY

WHY can't I live in a world where vanilla peanut butter is an ACTUAL flavor AND cupcakes make me ripped…. extra bonus if they are peanut butter vanilla cupcakes.  It is perplexing.  So my knee feels better.  I did a take it easy work out class today…. and yoga…..my knee feels about 75% better.  YAY for stopping when I felt pain.   And YAY for yoga.  I could feel my knee tightening in stretches that are usually easy for me…. and…. better….. much better.  So I may try my run tomorrow…. slow easy… just log the miles… but I will listen to my body and back off if it hurts. It's hard, I feel like my training is stalled.  But I am really enjoying jump rope these days…. maybe I can train for a jump rope contest?  Do they have those??  Like marathon jump roping?  I think I could go for hours…. might be worth looking into.  My friend brought me an article on backwards running.  Apparently, it's a thing… yep there is a whole sub culture
of backward runners…. they even have races…. yet peanut butter vanilla isn't a real flavor…. Backward running is a lot easier on the knees.  I attempted this on the track…. it was kind of exhilarating in a dizzy weird disorienting kind of way…. it was fun…. but it felt all wrong… it felt…well… backwards.. So here is my other question… why can they replace knees and hips and all kinds of other stuff… but not cartilage…. like hey I am going for my cartilage replacement today before fall training starts!  That would make a runners life SO much easier.  Imagine how good we would get if it was that easy!  Can some one work on this please?  That way I can get my cartilage replacement and go for some vanilla peanut butter ice cream…. and be totally ripped just in time for fall training…. That sounds like a perfect plan



Favorite Activity…..JUMP ROPE!!! 

Weekly Activities:  
Bootcamp x5
Yoga x2

 Steady state run 6 miles
Death Intervals 6 miles
Progression run 3 miles :(
Long run saturday…….

****Heavier on upper body/squats/straight leg dead lift****

Smoothie…. BIG coconut kick… obviously dreaming of summer. 
Coconut water
Almonds
Banana
Coconut flakes
Mango
Lime juice

FOOD CONFESSION:  I LOVE POPCORN…. on the stove… with butter and salt… I eat it as often as possible…. CRAB LOADING!!!





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I just hit.... pause

Image
2020 A few weeks ago, this blog had a very different beginning.  I was about to publish... when I came across this photo..... I love this picture of myself.  I am not sure the photographer knew everything he captured in this moment.  This was after facing some of my biggest fears and learning some invaluable truths about myself. 2018-2019 was a year of learning.  This photo is a picture of a girl who felt like she had lost almost everything, who felt so devastated and so tired.  But somehow, she found the strength and perseverance to keep moving forward... no matter how weak she felt or how hard it got.... and in that prolific moment of realization.... I wrote a new beginning to this story.  I have read that the times we feel crushed, pressed, under extreme pressure, or in total darkness are paths to powerful places of transformation.  I see that now, as I am emerging into new beginnings...That is to say, over a year ago, when I was in so muc...
Read more

One Year Epilogue

Image
Well... I am coming up on the one year mark from what I thought might be the end of life as I know it. One year ago, my Dad was very sick, one year ago I discovered that some one I thought the world of was ready, willing,  and able to hurt me more than I ever thought I could bare... one year ago.... I started crossfit... one year ago I was running for the single purpose of trying to breathe. One year ago...felt like I had been knocked down so far... I would never be able to get up...  and I made it. It was October when I walked into that crossfit gym.  Damn I was so thankful for those moments of beating the F out of my body so that I felt something... I was so numb.... I looked forward to that hour... I felt almost nothing... I left shaking and sore and tired and... not devistated...not sad.  That one hour a day was the ONLY thing that kept me sane a year ago. When I recap this in my head... I was helping take care of my Dad, my Mom also became ill... I had a gre...
Read more

Sometimes the best plan... is...no plan

Image
Life is kind of like " the train that crashed my heart... the glitter in the dark..." This blog started as my single Mom running diary.  It has served me as an outlet through some of the hardest times in my life...Times I felt completely alone. This blog has helped me process, appreciate myself, it has documented my incredible personal victories, it has recorded monumental heartbreaks.  Most importantly, it has let me be me. Pouring my head and heart out in cyber space.  It is time to begin where I left off..... or perhaps even,..... before I started....  Circa 2015........ 2014 - Mid summer. It was unseasonably hot. I drove 9 hours to drop my youngest off at a camp, and 7 more hours to meet my dad at his cabin in the mountains.  I did not have AC, but, being no stranger to 4/65 AC and lots of water.... it didn't feel like a big deal to be driving with no AC.  In summer, with my children... we would make it.  We had made it this far.   My Dad met ...
Read more